THURSDAY NOVEMBER 19th 2009 - Newport

So obviously I've made a decision to back off the blog a bit. I created it on impulse, imagining that doing all this publicly would create a wave of shared excitement, support, and accountability which would energize the process. The reality of it, on the psychic level, is that it's a bit of a drain. Like leaving your front door open to the busy street when you're trying to focus and get something done. It also feels a little exploitative - writing is such a personal process, it's an odd thing to just indiscriminately invite everyone in at once. Too often, writing about writing the novel starts to muscle in on actually writing the novel.

It can be such a thrilling journey of discovery, writing a story - and I want to bring everyone with me. But, the truth is, the only way to do that really is to have you all read it from beginning to end, not my running commentary and random soundbytes.

I will admit, that ever since taking sick in Seattle (and I'm still not completely recovered) - I have run into a bit of writers-block-crisis. As usual, it comes from me taking the book, and everything, too seriously. There is literally a part of me that thinks if this isn't going to be Lord of the Rings, it isn't worth writing. Those who are aware of this element of my personality probably hate me for it. But the truth is, it's really a curse and a sickness. I have a monstrous super-ego which demands nothing less than total, utter brilliance in my artistic works. There is no way to be truly creative under that kind of pressure and the whole process quickly devolves into a slave-driver mentality. The thirty-day time limit on this particular project has really flushed that devil out. This "facing the devil" is something I might think about being grateful for - if I can find a way to overcome it and not just stop dead in my tracks, another sad case of ego swallowing art.

Wish me luck.


Word count: 33,110
Words to finish (?): 16,890